When I was a little girl, I had an imaginary friend. Her name was Frine Lee Parker (don’t ask), and she had thirteen kids and a husband. Yes, my imaginary friend was a middle aged woman and I was four; clearly, I had issues, so stop judging me. My point is, Frine was a constant presence, albeit I was the only one who could “see” her. She conversed with everyone around me – through me, and I convinced myself (and my Papa) that she was real. Frine eventually disappeared, and I replaced her with my dolls and my Barbies, which I played with for an embarrassingly long time. But I loved the world of make believe. I loved being surrounded by “friends,” and this desire to surround myself with people has never really gone away.
I am not the person who enjoys going to eat by herself or out of town by herself. I just think experiences are more fun when shared with more people. Heck, I had THIRTEEN people in the delivery room when I gave birth to my second son (no, that is not a typo – 13 people). Yeah, I know…that might have been a little excessive, but I didn’t want anyone who wanted to be there to be left out.
Y’all, do you remember what it’s like to feel left out? It hurts. And it doesn’t matter if you’re five being left out of the birthday party invites or thirteen being left out of the sleepover or sixteen and left out of the social media posts or forty and left out of the girls’ night out. It hurts. And in today’s society where we document every get together on Facebook, Instagram, AND Snapchat (and yes, I do this too), we know when we’re left out and we feel that hurt even more deeply.
We question why we weren’t invited…what we did to get on their nerves…why they didn’t think about us…what is wrong with us?
Nothing. That’s the long and short of it. Nothing is wrong with you. What is wrong is the intentional exclusion. Yeah, that person might be a little annoying, she might be loud, bossy, smelly, whatever the case may be, but inflicting that hurt on someone else when we know good and well how it feels (because we have all felt it at some point) is inexcusable.
Do we want to be mean girls? I have to think most of us don’t. Make a pact with your people.
Promise to refuse to play the “you can’t sit with us” card; if your table is getting full, scoot your butt over and make more room. Because we aren’t Frine…none of us wants to feel invisible.
Your such a blessing Jenny. No doubt about that.
Finally, someone who understands me! I hate leaving people out! I always want to make sure everyone knows they are loved and valued. Thank you for this!
As I’ve gotten older, inclusivity is not something adults know how to do. Especially in our area!