Although grief is the response to loss, I’ve learned over the past two years that it’s different for everyone. Learning this has been one of the biggest pills to swallow. Some days I feel as if I should be “better” and “happy”. After losing a mother as good as mine, I don’t know if that day will ever come.
On February 27th, 2018, my mother passed away. It was sudden and unexpected. At the age of 15, I had never even thought that something like that ever was going to happen. My world was flipped upside down and to this day it still seems unreal. When I lost my mom, I also lost my best friend. It was a pain like no other.
Even though the pain is unbearable some days, it makes me stop and think about how great of a mother that she was to me and my siblings. If she had not been such a great part of our lives, we wouldn’t miss her this bad. That thought in itself makes the grieving just a tad bit easier. From the countless hours at the ballpark to the hours spent preparing for dance recitals, my mother was always there. She was one that would do anything just to be there for her kids even if it meant sacrificing her leave for work and spending all her money just to give us what we want. She really was the best of the best.
Along with being my mother, she was my best friend. Our favorite thing to do was go to the gym together. It was a getaway that we both looked forward to and time together that we adored. Some nights when we would “go to the gym”, we would sneak and go to our favorite restaurant “Thai Garden”. We both would get so tickled when my dad would call and ask us how the workout was. The response would always be “It was great! We are worn out and are headed home soon”. The car ride home would always be filled with laughter and jokes about how we would have to eat a second dinner that my dad had made for us. The last memory that I have of my mom was our night at the gym the day before everything happened. Out of everything that we had done, that was the night that we had the most fun together. The night ended with a water fight in the parking lot and we had both laughed until our sides hurt. It was a night that I’ll never forget and a memory that I can look back on and cherish forever.
I’m sure that everyone who knew my mother felt blessed to even know her. It truly is an honor to be able to call her my mom and when I say she was a mother like no other, every soul that knew her would agree. She sure did leave some big shoes to fill, but I hope one day I am able to come close to being as good of a mother as she was to me.